The 5 Mental Stages of the Instagram Liar

 

There you are, wanting to post something to your Instagram account. You need to come up with content that is going to get the most likes and engagement.  You’re never thinking, “what can I upload that will get the least amount of likes?”

So begins the mental tug-of-war that will gnaw at your existence for the next 10-15 minutes.

STAGE ONE: The Wondering

What to post?  I’m not really doing anything that exciting.  My Nutella spoon has been dipped in the jar more times than I’d like to admit and I’m pretty sure I have some hazelnut spread stuck to the corner of my mouth.  I wonder what people are doing right now, let me look.  Ugh… everyone is having so much fun and I’m here doing nothing!  I can’t let the world think I have a belly full of chocolate and wearing my pineapple pajamas as my #ootd on a Friday night.  NOPE. I have to do something, and I have to do it fast.

STAGE TWO: The Muse

I could play dress up and do a #mirrorpic, however that will require me to shower, do my makeup and hair, and then pick up the spoon again.  No, too much work. I KNOW!  I’m going to Instagram my new shoes.  Do I place them on the side table in the office with the white table top to make the image look clean and focus on the shoes alone?  OR.  Do I put them on with my skinny jeans, run outside really quick and snap a pic on the pavement so technically I could be anywhere?  I can’t decide so I’m going to do both and let the filtration system decide for me.  GO!

STAGE THREE: The Reality Domino Effect

OMG so cute.  Both looks have definite posting potential.  I’m really happy with myself.  I’m stuck between Valencia, Brannan or Nashville, I think I’m going with the Valencia filter.  DONE.  So am I out right now?  Or am I returning home from a shopping spree?  I need to think about this very carefully, otherwise, this can snowball into being asked where I am or someone wanting to meet up.  I mean, I could always ignore the texts and figure out an excuse later, after all, I’m really busy.  Though, the battery on my iPhone has been acting up lately, so it’s definitely believable that I didn’t see them. Wait, maybe I was out last night!  A nice #latergram never hurt anyone.  PERFECT.

 

STAGE FOUR: The Doubting

The caption is perfect and the hashtags are both funny and relevant.  I think what I have here is a perfect Instagram post.  A quick double check, tagging is also important, so there, the designer is tagged, and so is the location.  Ready, set, SHARE.  Sigh.  What a relief.   All that work was totally worth it.  Now we wait. — It’s been forever, how long has my post been live?  Only 2 minutes? Where is everyone?  Why isn’t anyone double tapping?  Maybe I should refresh my feed.  Nope, still nothing.  Oh wait, there’s the little orange heart!  I got something.  My high school friend who likes everything I post, that doesn’t really count.  Was it the wrong time to do this?  Are my hashtags spelled correctly?  The rules are clear.  One ‘like’ per minute or your post is an epic fail.  Should I repost it?  Maybe no one saw it the first time.  No that will seem too desperate.  I should have never posted anything, how embarrassing. I should delete it, I’m sure no one saw it, but what if someone did? Then they’ll see it’s been deleted.

STAGE FIVE: The Motivation

This was such a bad idea and an incredible waste of my time. I have so much anxiety and really, I was calm before any of this. Now I need a drink, take the edge off.  Unwind a bit.  OK. I’m going out.

Sound off in the comments if you’ve ever been guilty of any one of these.

 

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